Ups and Downs

In October, my husband quit smoking. I'm not a quitter though. At least that's what I always said when someone would ask me about quitting. But, I decided to give it a shot after the incessant nagging from my boys (and the always stuffed sinus', and the nagging sore throat, you get the idea). So, I went to my Doctor - he always said "Whenever you're ready call and we'll make a plan." So we made a plan:

Chantix

O.K. I don't know if any of you have used this. One of the big side effects is "vivid dreams". That's the big one everyone talks about. Another side effect, "may cause difficulty sleeping". Bingo! That would be the side effect I got. After a week on them I would have welcomed any dream - vivid or other-wise. Even taking my sleeping pills offered no sleep.

So, off the Chantix - I need a plan B though. I didn't have a plan B. I'm most certainly not a cold turkey kind of girl. Hubby used Wellbutrin (which I tried before but made my heart feel like it was exploding out of my chest). What IS my plan B?

I decided on NicodermCQ. You know, the patches. Which some of my friends say is cheating because they have nicotine in them. I say any help you can get. This is a 10 week endeavor for me, since I was a more than 10 cigarettes a day smoker.

So, on December 6th, I peeled the backing off my first patch and stuck it to my arm. It was still hard not to smoke though. I just wanted one, with no rhyme or reason to my cravings. But I stuck it out. I lasted four days before I broke. I had two or three that day. Then I started again. I lasted a whole week (7 days folks!) and on day 12 I decided I was good - no patch today, I've got this beat. Um yeah, except I didn't.

Days 12-15 were smoking days. Never more than 10, usually far fewer. Except Day 13. I had 5 cigarettes that day and I was so sick on day 14. I knew why - but I had to have those three on day 15 just to make sure. Because hey, you never know - it might not have had anything to do with me completely polluting my body again - you just never know!

So today (December 21) I'm back on the patch, no cigarettes. If nothing else, now I have the "oh it makes me so sick" thing to think about when I'm craving. It's like me and just about any kind of alcohol I've ever gotten sick from. The list is extensive of what I won't drink anymore, but the memory never goes away of why I don't. Even though some of those memories are well, close to 30 years old now.

It's been hard. I've discovered the joys of cherry dum-dums and pineapple lifesavers. I chew gum in very small amounts. Once my sinus' clear up again I'll be able to smell the wreath hanging on the front door without sticking my nose right in it again.

I still have the urge. Even as I type this I want to have a "blog post completed" cigarette. But I won't. Because I know, in the end, it's the best thing I can do for myself and my family.

I just wish those little people would come sing to me every time I resist the urge!

My current step