I'm always coming to a fork in the road. Sometimes it's an easy fork - grocery shopping today or can I hold out one more day? Little forks (salad forks, if you will) are the easy peasy decisions that I make every day.
Paper due Monday? I'll write it Sunday.
Truck needs gas? I'll wait until tomorrow - as long as that silly light doesn't go on!
It's not that I'm a procrastinator, o.k. maybe it is a little but only about small things.
Big decisions I tend to make without very much thought. When I decided to homeschool Zach I only had to convince Erik and bam! I was doing it. These are the decisions that should require more thought - but when I decide I want to (or am going to) do something - that's it.
This past July, in a moment of shear frustration and aggravation I sent Zach back to 'regular' school. That journey has been somewhat chronicled here, so most of you know I'm not thrilled with the public school system. But, I wasn't thrilled with the private school he went to either, so I don't want any of my teacher friends to think I'm bashing. I'm not - I want to be a teacher. I realize it's a hard job.
So, finding myself at home, with nothing to do, I decided in December to go back to school to become a teacher. Is that not the perfect job for someone with school age kids? I think so. School for me has been a trial. It's been so long since I sat in a classroom that I find it frustrating. The kids (and yes, they are kids) chat, get up and walk out, never show up on time, well, they are basically just rude. But I rant.....
I spent about four hours yesterday going through the summer and fall classes deciding what to take when. But the fact is, I want to homeschool Zach again. I could do both - I know it's possible (until the hubby deploys or whatever again), but is it fair?
For the first time in a long time, I can't come to a conclusion. I know I could provide a better education for my son at home. I've already proven that - the boy is bored out of his mind and has been all year. We rather enjoyed our "loosey goosey" vacation times. A week off for your birthday? No problem. Homeschooling is fun ~ and hard ~ and sometimes frustrating. But deep down, I still feel it's the right choice.
I don't want to give up my lifelong dream (seriously - from second grade) to teach. I don't want one semester of frustration and rude kids to define who I can become in the future. In other words, I don't want to look like a quitter. But, I want to do what's best for my son.
Why couldn't it just be a knife in the road, pointing me in the right direction?
Until next time ~ Kris