My Heartbreaking Conversation

Yesterday, as I was taking CG to gymnastics, we were having a conversation about the upcoming (April) birth of his newest cousin.  The boy is not lacking for cousins - the newest addition will be number 13, and he even has 3 second cousins!  But what he really wants is a brother or sister.  

It took DH and I seven years (and several miscarriages) before we were blessed with CG.  We always wanted another, but it never happened.  At 36 I started going through "the change" and so, we have CG.  

So, the conversation went something like this:

"Why can't I have a baby brother or sister?"

"Mommy can't have any more babies.  We could maybe adopt a brother or sister for you."

Which led to the conversation about adoption.  With me saying "We could adopt a brother or sister who is maybe four or five."

"I want a baby."

Dang boy, do you realize that I'm the one who would have to get up in the middle of the night and change diapers?  Both CG and DH sleep like rocks - seriously - so no nighttime help would be in my future!  Besides, I think we are too old to adopt babies.  The rules are weird about babies.  Don't get me wrong, I love babies.  I mostly love babies that belong to someone else though, I don't know if I'm up for starting from zero again.  I know that sounds bad....

DH and I have discussed adopting.  A lot.  I would love to have another child in the house.  I would love to have the opportunity to mold and shape another wonderful child into a caring, compassionate adult.  But, where to start?  We've looked at International Adoptions, domestic adoptions, but it's all so confusing.  

So, given the state of my heart after said conversation I decided it's something we really need to "get on".  DH and I aren't getting any younger.  If it takes two or three years DH will be 10 or 11.  I feel compelled to follow this through now.  

Confused, but looking for direction......

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