Life on Planet Caddick

I wish I could tolerate my mother-in-law. She's the only grandmother my son has left - and to say we don't get along would be one of the biggest understatements ~ ever. Although she won't agree with my point of view I spent many years (about 13) trying to be the good daughter-in-law. Supporting my husband because I know she's his mother and he loves her. Enduring things like: hearing about his old girlfriend (whom she wanted him to marry) watching both his parents treat him like crap (and keeping my mouth shut) being obligated to spend Christmas with them every year (even though we literally lived across the country) And yes, the year I decided I wanted to spend Christmas with MY family (husband was gone) I started getting locked out of their lives. Or should I say we - because she's also locking out her son and grandson. And I've never told my husband he couldn't take the boy to go visit his parents, (they live about two hours away - and t...

Dear Daddy, This month will mark the third month that you've been gone. How is that in less than three weeks you went from alive to gone forever? Why did you keep how sick you were such a secret from me? I'm so mad at you sometimes, I would kick you right in the butt if I could. You knew you were sick in March when you visited, looking back I know that now. For six years we've been asking you "come down here" but no - Mr. Stubborn had to stay up in MI all by yourself and be all secretive about what was really going on. I'm so angry that your neighbor had to call me and tell me to get home - you would have rather died alone than think you were being a burden to me, your child. Stupid man. You were just going to sneak away in the middle of the night without saying anything to any of us that love you. Yes, I'm angry at you - you would be angry if I tried to do the same thing. It's not fair that you gave all of us so little time to come see you and ...

47. How old my sister would be at the end of the month. 41. The age my sister will always be. Now I'm the oldest, when I should be the middle. Anyone who knows me, knows I think my sisters husband killed her. No, I don't have proof, just a feeling. Maybe it was how cold he was during that early morning phone call. Maybe it was the fact that he was shopping for boats the night of her funeral. Maybe it's because his first wife also died young, of the same thing. Either way, it's always been a nagging thing  for me. I can't shake it. For the first year after she was gone I swear I heard her in my ear all the time ~ in the shower, trying to fall asleep, driving to work. "Get him Kristin Pee" she said. But I couldn't. The coroner's report said natural causes. This hard to accept statement really put me back into little sister mode. Somehow I've let her down again. I don't hear her anymore - I think she's given up on me. I'm a big b...

Today I'm linking up with Things I Can't Say to Pour my Heart Out. Check out her link and if you comment on any of the link ups remember rule #1 - be respectful! When did my dreams become more important than my sons future? I can't really answer that, all I know is that at some point it happened and I feel like the worst mom in the world. Zach went to private school for K and 1st, I homeschooled him for 2nd and 3rd, and last year I put him in public school. It was during that time I needed something do to with myself, so I went back to school to follow my dream of becoming a teacher. But I feel guilty every day. The education system here (both private and public) are terrible. And that's the nicest thing I can think to say about them. We had our issues when we homeschooled, but nothing we couldn't (or didn't) sort out. He is really enjoying being in "regular" school, but it's easy to see why. He's "one of the brightest" in ...